I thought I was too cool to do these cheesy list things. I actually had fun writing it. Cheese can be good.
1. Glasgow (Cathkin): Trying to land burnt pieces of toast on top of the phone “box” (booth) thrown from our 14th floor balcony.
2. Glasgow (Cathkin): President McConkie starting our first one-on-one interview with the question: “Well Elder Jensen, have you ever heard of bleach? Your shirt is looking pretty gray.” Nice to see you too President, I thought. I was mortified.
3. Somewhere in Glasgow: One Friday night we tracted into 11 drunk people in a row. Perhaps this isn’t too crazy.
4. Glasgow (Cathkin): From our 14th floor balcony, regularly seeing a woman gazing from her balcony in the next high-flat over. We named “Miss Lonely Heart.” We decided to go knock on her door. A few months later, she was baptized. Great memory.
5. An unendowed Zone Leader/companion (the London Temple was closed for renovations at the time) who wore leopard print skivvies.
6. Edinburgh: 9:30PM each night Elder England and I held “TIF” meetings that we told others we “had” to go to. Here’s the secret…TIF = tennis is fun.
7. Baptizing 4 different women named Karen. All of them in different areas.
8. Dalkeith: Baptizing Karen Fairgrieve (now Beveridge) in a font of brown water. Very unsightly. However, our clothes remained white. Great memory.
9. Edinburgh: Jumping our Ford Fiesta 26 feet off a hump-back bridge.
10. Edinburgh: Going to the Pat Metheny concert and meeting him back stage while in my suit and nametag. He was very gracious. He must have thought I was nuts. President Swanney gave me permission to go. He was still “green.” McConkie wouldn’t have allowed it. Great memory.
11. Edinburgh: A young woman investigator who had a severe crush on the Zone Leader’s Companion. We finally got her to pray. Here’s the word-for-word text of that prayer: “Heavenly Father. We thank thee for Elder Hunt; We ask thee for Elder Hunt. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.”
12. Glasgow (Springboig): Elder Frank and I greeted with “F*** the Mormans” spray painted on the side of our new flat.
13. Glasgow (Springboig): One morning, my daily ritual of drying my wet, semi-polyester suit by kneeling in front of the gas heater resulted in it catching fire and melting into my leg.
14. Glasgow (Springboig): Getting to know Sister Green and her 11 year old twin girls. My brother Rich—in the then Scotland/Northern Ireland Mission—taught and baptized her 10 years earlier!
15. Glasgow (Springboig): In the pre-caller ID days, at the precise time of week I regularly received the “stats call” from Elder Kay, I received a “Happy Birthday” call from sweet (and very proper, I might add) Sister Swanney. Thinking it was Elder Kay, I answered, “Hey dude, what’s going on?” Imagine Sister Swanney’s (and my) surprise…
16. Dumfries: Sleeping out on the roof of the garage on P-Day Eves. Elder Martindale and I even ate our morning Wheetos out there. Good times.
17. Dumfries: Way out in the country, we set fire to a pile of old suits on top of a stone monument commemorating the Battle of Waterloo. Missionaries do the dumbest things…
18. Dumfries: “Falling” into the moat at the Carlaverock Castle and a little English boy shouted, “Look mummy someone has fallen into the water!”
19. Lockerbie: Getting a call the morning after a dinner appointment. “Are you guys feeling okay? We’ve discovered there was bleach in the milk we served last night.” We felt just fine. Amazing.
20. Glasgow (Govan): Teaching and baptizing a great guy named Hugh D. Brown. Not to be confused with the late Apostle, Hugh B. Brown.
21. Dumfermline: Freezing cold winter and the heater was broken. So, we heated the house by leaving the full-blast lit stove burners on all night. This one could have qualified us for a Darwin Award.
22. Dumfries: Getting a free kilt and shoes from a guy we befriended who owned a kilt shop. The reason? His horse had just won and he cashed in his bookie bet.
23. Dumfries: Somewhere on Holy Island (just off the west coast) there are two trees planted in honor of Elder Bentley and myself. Long story…
24. Eating Donner Kababs. (see the
BBC story that says they have 1,000 – 2,000 calories each!)
25. All areas: Having so much fun on P-Days that we had to do preparation (e.g. grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning the flat) on other days. Lame, I know.
26. All areas: Telling the cheeky street kids who cursed at us incessantly, “no matter what you yell at us, never, ever yell
Joseph Smith is a Prophet of God.” Naturally, they would yell it to us every time we came around. Great memory.
